Why Your Brain Refuses to Go on Holiday, Even When You Do 

By Joseph Conway, Psychotherapist and Mental Health Trainer at Vita Health Group. 

After months of looking forward to a break, many of us expect to switch into holiday mode the moment we arrive at our destination. Yet for plenty of people, relaxation proves much harder than expected. 

Recent research found that almost 60% of us struggle to properly disconnect. As a psychotherapist, that’s something I hear about regularly. People often tell me they’re frustrated that, even while sitting by a pool or exploring somewhere new, their minds remain focused on emails, deadlines and responsibilities waiting for them at home. 

The reality is that while our bodies can arrive on holiday instantly, our minds often take much longer to catch up. 

Part of the problem is that we’ve become accustomed to being constantly connected. Smartphones, emails and instant notifications mean many of us spend much of the year mentally switched on. As a result, our nervous systems can remain alert long after the work itself has stopped. 

I’ve also noticed that many people feel surprisingly uncomfortable when they try to slow down. For some, being busy has become closely linked to feeling productive and valued. For others, quiet moments simply feel unfamiliar. Add in the pressure to have a “perfect” holiday, and it’s easy to see why switching off can be such a challenge. 

That’s why I encourage people to think about relaxation as a skill rather than something that should happen automatically. Like any skill, it takes practice, patience and repetition. 

For anyone who struggles to unwind on holiday, here are seven evidence-informed approaches that can help. 

Where possible, finish key tasks before you leave and set clear boundaries with work. Use an out-of-office message, log out of emails and resist the temptation to keep checking in. 

Before you go, try writing down what’s been completed, what can wait and the first few tasks you’ll tackle when you return. Our brains don’t like unfinished business, so storing those thoughts externally can make it easier to stop mentally rehearsing them while you’re away. 

The goal is to create a clear psychological boundary between your working self and your resting self. 

One of the biggest misconceptions about holidays is that relaxation should happen immediately. 

If you’ve spent months managing work, family life and other responsibilities, your nervous system may need time to recognise that it’s safe to slow down. Rather than expecting instant calm, use the first few days for low-pressure activities and accept that settling in can take time. 

Give yourself permission to arrive mentally, not just physically. 

Many of us continue carrying the online world with us wherever we go. Even when we start to relax, it’s easy to reach for our phones and return to emails, news or social media. 

I’ve often seen people comparing their holiday experience to somebody else’s highlights online rather than enjoying the moment they’re actually in. 

That’s why I suggest occasionally leaving your phone behind, whether that’s keeping it in your hotel room for a few hours or creating designated phone-free periods during the day. A holiday isn’t just about changing your location – it’s also about changing where your attention rests. 

When we’re stressed, our minds often become caught up in yesterday’s problems or tomorrow’s worries. 

Simple grounding techniques can help bring your attention back to the present moment. Take a slow breath and notice the warmth of the sun on your skin, the sound of waves, birdsong in the distance or the feeling of sand beneath your feet. 

These sensory experiences act as reminders that you’re here, now – not in your inbox or your to-do list. 

While complete freedom sounds appealing, too much unstructured time can sometimes have the opposite effect. 

Having a gentle rhythm to your day can help keep you present without making your holiday feel over-scheduled. That might be a morning walk, an afternoon swim or simply reading by the pool. 

It’s also worth letting go of the idea that every day needs to be productive or memorable. Holidays don’t have to become another project to optimise. 

Many people unknowingly place enormous pressure on their holidays. 

After spending time and money planning a break, it’s natural to want everything to go perfectly. But when we expect ourselves to be completely relaxed, happy and refreshed at all times, we can end up judging the experience rather than enjoying it. 

Bad weather, travel delays, occasional disagreements and restless nights don’t mean a holiday has been ruined. A holiday doesn’t need to be flawless to be restorative. 

Work-related thoughts often appear automatically, even when we’re trying to relax. 

Rather than fighting them, decide in advance how you’ll respond. For example: 

“If I notice myself worrying about work, then I’ll take a slow breath and remind myself that I’m on holiday and can deal with it when I return.” 

Having a simple response prepared can make it easier to break the cycle of overthinking and gently redirect your attention back to the present. 

Relaxation rarely happens at the flick of a switch. If we approach ourselves with patience rather than frustration, we give our minds the opportunity to catch up with our bodies. 

The goal isn’t to have a perfect holiday. It’s to create enough space to rest, recharge and be present in the experience you’re having. Sometimes that’s more than enough.